This moment, and you, are unique

I've been back in SF for just over six weeks now, and the thing that I am enjoying most about living here is something that I didn't experience much of when I lived here before: simply being easygoing and playful with strangers and casual acquaintances. Portland is a very friendly town, and some of that rubbed off on me. But I'm also choosing to open myself up. I did a course in Maui in 2003, and one of the intentions of the course was to give us a new way of relating to people. In the course I saw that one of the things I do in my life is to always act like I'm in a hurry, like there's somewhere else I need to be. What it really is is a way to avoid being uncomfortable... to avoid being present... to avoid being with people.

For much of my life I was often irritated by my dad's willingness to talk to anyone: shopkeepers, waiters, etc. While I would focus on the transaction at hand, Dad actually engaged people in conversation.

In my world, time spent with my friends and family was what was important. And hey, I had enough friends, why do I need more? If I didn't know you, I probably breezed right past you. I often forgot people's names despite multiple introductions, and once at a party in Laguna, someone really gave it to me, asking me "what my @#$&! problem was" about not remembering his name. And I found that I had no reply: I simply stood there and listened because he was right.

What I'm seeing now is that I've had it all wrong. Or maybe not wrong but rather that there is another way that I could relate to those around me. I've had it like wherever I was going was the place to be, and that the people I knew already were the ones who were important. I've acted like all of the other interactions in my life were somehow disposable. Being back in SF, I'm seeing that all of those interactions are my life. Telling the woman on the street that her long black coat floating on the wind is beautiful is just as important as any other conversation. Every moment is unique and will never come again. Treating any of them as throwaways amounts to throwing away a bit of my one precious life.

And that reminds me of a quote my wise and talented friend Veronica shared at her recent cabaret show, Family Jewels:

Martha Graham to Agnes DeMille: There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium.... It will be lost.... The world will never have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares to other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

Today's place-o-the-day to check out: Cafe Gratitude. They have one Berkeley and two SF locations.

Namaste!