Monday night my roommate Scott and I went to see United 93. Through most of the movie I found myself squirming in dread; twice I noticed that I had actually stopped breathing. For two dizzyingly fast hours--once flight 93 takes off the film proceeds in real time--all the confusion, shock, and pain of that morning was back. We knew now, of course, exactly what was happening, how the events would follow from one to the next. When the screen went black at the end, there was a moment when I didn't know what to say.

As we left the theater, we began to talk about some of the anomalies surrounding the events of 9/11. The inexplicable destruction of WTC 7 (yes, there were three World Trade Center buildings that were destroyed that day, not just the two towers). The odd facts related to the destruction at the Pentagon. The June 1, 2001 change made by the Joint Chiefs of Staff transferring intercept authority from Air Force and Air National Guard commanders to the Secretary of Defense. The incredible piloting accuracy of the three successful attacks.

While living in Portland, I had attended a meeting of the Portland 9/11 Truth Alliance and watched a screening of Hijacking Catastrophe, a documentary examining how neoconservative Republicans used the events of 9/11 to advance their agenda. I felt subversive sitting in that darkened room, discussing with strangers the unthinkable possibility that the government might have actually played a role in allowing the attacks to proceed, perhaps even planning them, and when the door opened midway through the meeting, the first thing I thought was "It's the cops!" (Thankfully it was only my friend Jason arriving late. :-)

That night I considered the notion that the government could be complicit in the 9/11 attacks, and in doing so I was left with something untenable: giving up so much of what I have always believed about the world, about America, and about people. Of course I know that our government has lied many times and acted secretly to carry out actions contrary to what we say our American values are. And I know that people are capable of carrying out horrific acts. Still, there is that deeply rooted desire to believe that we, here and now, are different. Is it possible that the government actively or passively supported the 9/11 attacks? It is. But who really knows?

I still have questions about what happened that day. Did 9/11 play out as it did due to the unfortunate but simply human failures of our airport security and military forces or from something more sinister? I suspect that I will never get truly satisfactory answers. And if I were to accept the belief that the 9/11 plot was hatched not in Afghanistan but in Washington, DC, how would I live? What would I do?

What I can do is read. And discuss. And think. I can maintain a healthy level of skepticism. I can stand with the ACLU and all the others working to protect our rights as Americans.

And I can remember and honor the real heroes of that day, including the passengers and crew of United 93.

Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower