Twenty years

My twenty year college reunion will be held this fall, and yesterday I received a reminder that my page for the Class of '88 book was due today.


This is what I shared with my classmates:

FAVORITE STANFORD MEMORY

I remember walking back to Mirlo one Sunday night after Flicks at MemAud. It was the fall of ’85, and I think the movie was The Big Chill. In any case, I remember telling my group that for the first time in my life I felt like I had made “Big Chill” friends.

Those words were more true than I could know, for mostly happy reasons. Alas, for one reason, so sad.

WHAT I MISS THE MOST

Walking everywhere. My midnight runs. The Dish with Randi.

CURRENT LIFE MOTTO

There is no way that things are supposed to be; there's only how they are. And don't worry, it only seems kinky at first. ;-)

LIFE AFTER STANFORD

Stanford to Palo Alto to Sunnyvale to San Mateo to San Francisco to Portland (Oregon) to San Francisco to Las Vegas… Oracle to nCUBE to C-COR… Software to life coaching to healthcare (back in school now, working on my pre-reqs before applying to Physician’s Assistant programs)... Making movies to quiet times to love to the dance floor to dog walks to heartbreak to starting fresh to looking deep inside to finding possibility to disappointing myself to rediscovery

It’s been a wonderful journey, shaped somewhat by external events like politics of the late 80s/early 90s and the dotcom era but mostly by finding out what it means to love, grow up, and make a contribution. I’ve made and lost money, found and discarded friends, been hurt in relationships but caused pain, too.

Looking back, I wouldn’t want to do any of it over, not the good times or the bad. The last few years have been confusing, marked by a sense of being “in between”: in between being young and old, in between the old ways of finding success and what comes next, in between how I thought things were and having no clue. And as much as I used to like to say I didn’t have any regrets, I have to admit that I have a few.

All of it has made me who I am, and generally I am happy with myself. I’ve gained wisdom but still carry my oldest fears and faults. I am imperfect but still growing. I don’t always understand why but I have the love of many dear people: my family, my Stanford Big Chill circle, my SF and Portland buddies, and most of all, my Victor who loves me more than I thought possible.

If I had to name a single thing that I’ve learned that has mattered, it’s this: Remember each day to be a little more generous, a little more forgiving with people. Everyone just wants to be happy and to be loved, and it’s far easier to please them than we like to believe it is.

Who I am is the possibility of freedom and love. Namaste!

I included this picture with my submission; it was taken a week ago when Victor and I were in Hawai'i for my cousin Kim's birthday.