Relationships

I ran across an interesting story, "Romance Starts with Mom," in yesterday's San Francisco Chronicle. While I hate to let you off the hook of having to read the article, the final paragraph really stands out:

Contrary to the popular American myth that people left to fend for themselves become strong and independent, the psychological research seems to show exactly the opposite is true: It is the people who are confident enough to reach out to others for help -- and to whom help is given -- who become truly capable of independence.

The article reports on a 25 year study which tracked 78 one-year olds into early adulthood. The researchers at the University of Minnesota found that "the kind of baby you were at 12 months can say a lot about the kind of lover you will be at 21."

I have been reflecting on my own experience in relationships recently, and a couple of weeks ago I had an insight while sitting at the gym. It occurred to me that a number of my past romantic relationships have been characterized by a fair amount of drama, and that the most dramatic ones, in fact, held a special mystique for me.

The insight was that somewhere along the way I decided that drama is the price people have to pay for really being in love. And having had that insight, it's so clear to me now that that is not the case at all. Drama is not the price that has to be paid... moreover, it's not necessary at all.

Now that may not seem earth-shattering to you. But it sure brought a smile of relief to my face. :-)

I ENJOYED AN EXTENDED WEEKEND the past few days and made a trip up to Point Reyes on Tuesday. I had never been to the Point Reyes Books before, but I highly recommend it. Every book I picked up caught my interest; I spent well over an hour just perusing the politics and science shelves. Check it out if you're up that way.

Also on tap was watching Children of Men. Don't ask for an explanation of why women have become infertile in this movie set in the near future; just take it as a given and let the movie carry you along. My last three trips to the theater have all been great (Notes on a Scandal and The Queen were the other two recent movies I've seen). Perhaps something is shifting in Hollywood... or maybe I'm just making better selections.

Still, at $10 a pop, it's become quite a gamble to head out for a movie these days. I've heard that studios and theaters are considering the idea of returning to a system where different movies have different ticket prices. I'll happily let people pay more to see the latest blockbuster if I can see indie flicks for less. At least that's how I hope it would turn out!